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A Ranma ½ story
by DB Sommer

Any and all C&C is appreciated. You can contact me at sommer@3rdm.net

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and its characters and settings belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty, and Viz Video.


Ancient parchment crackled and filled the air with a musty odor as the scroll was unrolled for the first time in over two centuries. Over the decades since its creation it had been subjected to every physical punishment imaginable: Rain, fire, cold, and even five-year old children armed with crayons. Being entombed in a damp cave for nearly a decade had worn away the edges, and only a careful grip, along with a special preservative oil, kept the scroll from disintegrating as it was forced from the rolled up tube its form had carried since the day it had been completed.

A pair of eyes half the scroll's age widened. An astonished smile broadened across Happosai's features as he read the ancient characters contained on the scroll. "Why, this isn't a recipe for an aphrodisiac at all. It's a wish scroll."

Tears filled the ancient master's eyes as the full impact of what he held in his withered hands struck him. Back when he had first come across the scroll during a tour of the Middle East some fifty years ago, he had been certain he had overheard that sheik say the parchment held a recipe for some sort of potion to increase one's amorous prowess. On the spot, Happosai decided it was his responsibility to take such a powerful item away from one so lascivious, lest the fat man used it on himself and unleashed his ill-gotten adoration on the beautiful and vast harem he owned. A bevy of the most attractive women made up the composition of the harem, representing a veritable mountain of breasts. And the panties, certainly the sheik had spared no expense in outfitting the women in his palace of pleasure. Even Happosai had been hard pressed to liberate them all, but he had. That success was one of the proudest accomplishments in his long life.

Several drops of drool fell from Happosai's mouth and splattered on the scroll. The sounds of the liquid hitting the parchment shook him out of his reverie. A wish he most certainly deserved. All that was left was what to wish for. So much potential. So many things. He doubted he could wish for more wishes; that just wasn't the way these things worked. That meant he had to make this single shot at eternal happiness count. What was the one thing he wished for more than anything else? The one thing that would be eternally out of his reach no matter how hard he tried?

The answer struck him all at once, like a woman's slap when he tried to show them his appreciation by embracing their chest. He stared down at the parchment and said, "I wish everyone else in the world were nubile young girls with large breasts, that they had an unlimited supply of panties, and that they'll let a venerable old man like me grope them so that he can enjoy his twilight years in peace and comfort."

Nothing happened.

Happosai read the scroll more closely. "Oh, I have to summon the genie and tell him my wish so he can make it on my behalf. Now let me see. How does this go?" It took the old man a moment to sift through his memory and recall how to read the ancient symbols of power. Once satisfied he knew how to pronounce them correctly, he invoked the spell.

"Klatuu. Barada. Necktie."

A humming filled the air as the symbols themselves gave off an eerie green mist, each symbol disappearing as the emerald ether filled the air. Slowly the cloud rose until it hung in a solid mass above the parchment.

"Ha cha!" Happosai exclaimed. This was it. For living the life he had, he was finally being rewarded the way he deserved. He could barely wait to go hopping about, snuggling ample bosoms and drawing the unlimited power that could conceivably keep him alive forever, or at least let him die the happiest man on the planet. He could almost feel the breasts in his grasp, the soft, pliable flesh pillowing under his cheeks as he rubbed his face up and down. In fact, he could see a pair approaching now. There were bound in a white gi. The front was slightly open at the neck, 'v'ing downward and showing the white line of an athletic bra. Sweat lined the flesh beneath it, and lungs that still drank deeply of the air caused the breasts to move forward ever so slightly, giving them a slight jiggling motion independent of the one created by walking.

"Sweeto!" Happosai declared and leaped for the first in what would be a long line of women to fondle.

"Get away from me, you pervert!" Akane yelled as her fist met Happosai's jaw right before he could land in the valley— or at least relatively large ditch— that her cleavage created.

"That's not what was supposed to happen!" Happosai declared as he flew off into the distance from the force of the blow.

Akane tightened up her gi so she didn't show quite so much skin. She hadn't realized the little pervert was home, or she would have been more careful.

Feeling dirtier than ever, even if Happosai had failed to reach her, Akane headed for the bathroom until she spotted the green pillar of mist that hovered above the scroll that had been left on the ground. "Now what did the little creep do? Set something on fire?"

Irate, she approached the parchment, intent on putting it out, when the mists shifted. The upper half of the column coalesced, solidifying until it formed the upper torso of a powerful looking man-like thing. It wasn't quite human, at least none that Akane had ever seen. Its emerald chest was inhumanly broad, even more so than Lime's impressive physique. It was hairless, and had yellow slanted eyes that lacked pupils. Even its ears were alien, being incredibly long and with tips that tapered off into sharp points. What should have been the lower torso remained a green mist that seemed intent on hovering in place.

"If you're looking for Happosai, he already left," Akane told the being, pointing in the direction the little pervert and flown and hoping the weirdo in front of her wasn't going to cause any problems.

The yellow slits that served as the genie's eyes turned to Akane. In a voice that was surprisingly melodious given its powerful form, it asked, "What is your wish?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"I have been summoned. You have one wish. What is it?"

"I didn't summon you," Akane explained.

Unmoved, the genie repeated, "I have been summoned. You are the only one present. The wish will be yours. What is it you wish for?"

Akane looked around, convinced it was some sort of trick. "What's going on here? Who are you?"

"Do you wish to know my name?"

"Ye…" Akane stopped herself. Suddenly she reconsidered her original line of thinking. Perhaps this wasn't some prank. After all, why would the creature try to make finding out its name a wish instead of just telling her? It was like he was trying to make her squander it, instead of having her make some public statement about her desires and then have someone like Happosai or Shampoo pop up and laugh at her for believing she could make a wish.

"Is that your wish?"

"No," Akane said quickly.

Small wisps of vapor began to peel away from the genie's form and hung in the air. "My time on this plane of existence is short. If you do not make your wish within the next five minutes, it will be lost to you forever, as you measure time. Make your wish."

Akane began to panic. It was real. She knew it. This being could grant her any wish, but she had to make it quickly. Immediately her mind was flooded with dozens of possibilities all vying for control. So many ideas, and so little time to consider them. She could wish to be a better cook or better martial artist. She could wish to have better grades or to make it to a good school or take care of any future money problems she or her family could have. What about more personal things? Good health? To be more attractive? To lead a less stressful life? Have a successful career? Wish for everyone to be cured of their Jusenkyou curses? Never having her or Ranma's life placed in danger again, like at Mount Phoenix?

Akane pulled at her hair in frustration. This was too important for her to screw up. If she made the wrong wish, she'd regret it for the rest of her life, and there were too many things to wish for. Never before had she been aware of the importance of a second as they raced by, one after another inexorably. A minute full of indecision was forever lost.

"I can't decide," she said helplessly. The opportunity would be squandered, and there was nothing she could do about it. And then a solution to her problem came to her, speeding past the mass of choices before her. But she had to move quickly. She dashed through the living room and into the kitchen. Luck was with her as she spotted Kasumi dicing vegetables in anticipation of dinner.

"Kasumi, I need help!" Akane said in a gasp.

Kasumi placed the knife down on the cutting board. "What is it?"

"If you could wish for anything in the world, and I do mean anything, what would you wish for?"

"Oh, well that's an odd question. Let me think about it." She placed her hand to her chin in thought.

"There's no time!" Akane blurted out. "I can't decide. Give me an idea of what I can do."

Not quite understanding, but sensing the urgency in Akane's request, Kasumi quickly pondered the dilemma. Almost unbidden, one desire rose above all the others.

Head tilted to the heavens, Kasumi said in almost reverent tones, "If I had one wish, I would wish that mother hadn't been taken from us in that accident."

"That's it!" Akane shouted, kicking herself for not having thought of it sooner. Of all the things she could wish for that lay beyond her grasp, that was the one that she wanted more than anything in the world.

The kitchen was behind her in an instant as she raced twice as quickly to the living room where the genie remained floating in the exact spot she had left him. There was twice as much mist in the room, and his form was becoming less discernible. Only those yellow slits that served as his eyes remained unchanged.

"Time grows short," the genie warned.

"I have my wish!" Akane gasped. It took her a moment to figure out how to phrase the question so that it was simple enough to not be misinterpreted. Satisfied with the phrasing and unwilling to waste another second lest she lose this chance, Akane said, "I wish my mother had never been in a car accident."

As the last words left her mouth, a sudden memory filled her of a story her English language class had to read to show their comprehension skills. She remembered it all too well, knowing that with her luck the same thing probably would have happened to her had she been in that situation. Now she found herself in hauntingly familiar surroundings, and fearful events would occur just as they had in the tale of the Monkey's Paw.

"So that she can be with us today," Akane quickly added, hoping the being didn't refuse the last second addition to the request. She didn't want her mother to not die in a car wreck, only to have her life end because of some lingering disease or equally premature death three months after the crash had been avoided. If the genie protested the addition, Akane could claim she had merely paused for breath. Less than a second had passed between "accident" and "so", and he would almost certainly have to accept that as an explanation.

The genie remained silent only for a second before bringing its hands together with a deafening clap and declaring, "DONE!"

Kasumi entered the room just in time to see the figure completely lose cohesion and turn into an emerald mist. The cloud rose to the ceiling and billowed across it before merging completely with the air, as though it had never been there at all.

"I'm glad Mr. Mist didn't leave a stain on the ceiling," Kasumi said as she looked at the plaster with a careful eye.

Akane looked all around. She didn't feel any different. Why didn't she remember her mother not dying in a wreck? Had she just magically appeared upstairs in their father's bedroom and everything else remained the same? Perhaps she had appeared somewhere else, but Akane had specifically requested that her mother "be with us (meaning her family) today." Even if the woman popped up next to Nabiki, wherever she was, they should still have proof of their mother's continued survival within a couple of hours. At least that was what Akane hoped.

Turning to her sister, Akane was about to quiz Kasumi on her memory of their mother, to see if their memories corroborated, when the screeching sound of a car's tires came from the street just in front of the house. Both of the Tendou girls turned to the noise, eyes widening.

Hot on the heels of the tire screech, a feminine voice shouted out, "Watch it, you jerk! You nearly ran me down! Are you blind, or is Alzheimer's affecting you so badly you forgot your glasses? Hey! You wave that finger at me again, and I'll break it off and shove it so far up your butt you won't be able to crap right for the rest of your life!" There was the sound of a car moving off at an accelerated speed, and then the voice said, "Yeah, that's right! You take that piece of $#!@ car outta here before the rust that's holding it together gives out and it falls apart! Loser!"

Both of the girls looked at each other, their eyes twice as wide as before. Neither dared to speak, maintaining an aura of silence even as they heard a key turn in the lock to the front door. There was the sound of shoes being removed, and then the thump of someone moving through the house. As the sound drew near, a high-pitched feminine voice declared, "I'm home! What's for din—"

The speaker stopped abruptly as she entered the living room and spotted Akane and Kasumi sitting in the middle of it.

The sisters looked closely at the stranger and drew in deep breaths. The newcomer's black hair was a familiar short cut, nearly identical to Akane's. Deep brown eyes were guarded closely by short eyelashes. She wore a simple white blouse and pleated skirt. Her body was slender, though one look at her arms and legs showed that she possessed a sort of wiry strength. Her chest was somewhat demure, though at the same time there could be no doubts concerning her femininity. She was on the attractive side, Kasumi comparing her closely to Akane in appearance, though she could see some of Nabiki in the face as well. Akane's observations noted the same thing. The close resemblance was made all the more uncanny by one simple fact:

The girl was seventeen years old.

Kachiko Tendou looked strangely around the room, then leveled an accusatory finger at the gaping girls. "All right! You two got about three seconds to explain what you did to my house, or else there's going to be some ass-kicking going on, and from the looks of things, you two got more than enough butt to last me a while!"


To be continued.

Yes, the words are a parody from 'The Day the Earth Stood Still', just like from Army of Darkness. How can you go wrong referring to those two classics of the film industry? ^_^

Honestly, I came up with this idea long before I saw the Battle Athletes TV series. As soon as it hit those last few episodes, I said to myself, "Well, looks like I'm not the only one that thought such an idea has a great deal of mischievous potential." Things will not take quite the same course obviously, but there might be a handful of similarities as well. Hopefully I'll be right, though only future chapters will be able to see if I can execute things in an enjoyable manner.

This is the next 'sizable' project I have planned once I'm done with the current arc of Avenging. Tentative scheduling has me doing a two-part Dual! fic next (didn't have enough time to properly start it today, or I would have) and then the conclusion of the Herb arc in Avenging, then working on this. I've had it in my mind for quite some time, and discussed it with the gang on FFIRC a while back. It seemed to meet with favorable responses there, so hopefully the same will happen here.

Thanks for reading.

D.B. Sommer

Chapter 1
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